ENJOY WHAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER

Hey ya hey hello ah ..Guide its been long..a long time so I will write this letter and place it here for now:).Iwas just sitting outside , listening to the rain ,just soaking it all in.smelling the rain ,hearing the rain fall ,and felling the raindrops spray on my face.I always enjoyed the rain when I was a child.It felt so good running in the rain.But,here I am an adult.who is realizing that all these beautiful things in life are still out there to enjoy.But ,somehow,I lost that joy.And now,after much soul searching .I am gradually allowing myself to be ,to feel,to see,to smell,to hear,to taste,all those things life has to offer.
And,it had to take someone younger than myself,to make me realize this And Guide,I owe you my sanity.Yes ,you spoke the truth and I didnt realize it then.but I thank you for that.I apoligize
for putting that burden on you.I had no right to do so.It was too much for you to handle.So ,thank so very much for being there ,and speaking
Guide , hurricane katrina took away every ounce of fight I had in me .I was scared ,I was numb and I was an empty shell of a person. I had looked death face to face.I had no joy in me
no life in me no feelings. I walked in a daze for almost a year after the storm.I went in and out of these horrific flashbacks ,each one more vivid then the first,And ,, the nite terrors.Those too were unbearable,you live the hurricane over and over again.

So.my only hope was to be in my room .where it was safe .or so I thought.No light only darkness
And as each day passed,I was getting closer and closer reaching the end of the dark tunnel.
barely hanging on, I decided then,that this .was not living.that everyone would be better without me in their lives....That was what I was thinking,when I knew I had hurt you.
In my mind ,I just thought,,,,I knew i shouldnt have done all those things,the emails .the chat rooms the calls..but ,,at that point ,...I was slipping back,to how I was,in the begiining.
Some how ,I had fallen back into that deep dark hole.And ,it was so damn scary...It was anxiety
I was scared.my mind was just spinning ,I was having flashbacks and ..I just wanted ...it to end
And yes it was a cry for help ,a cry for someone ,anyone to just hear me.
At no time did I ever want to hurt you , Guide.That was never my intention ,never.I didnt mean to be rude or disrespecful.I was,just ,scared.and .I was .so scared to ,think that you may hate me.I didnt want you to hate me..I was.just sinking fast into the deep black hole.And I feklt no one was there to save me.I had hurt you terribly ,you,just ...and Now I had destroyed everyone
I felt like i destroy evry person i meet.And ,death was the only answer

......ok so here I am today ...better ....and ..I live for today the past is history and tomorrow
is the future.I again thank you for all that you have done for me.However,I will never say i am sorry for telling you I love .you..freinds is all ...that is how I feel ,so please just respect my feelings

remember the love you make is equal to the love you make
peace out



And every day.I was getting closer and closer to the end of that dark tunnel.