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Over the years I ve come to realize that ,in fact ,healing is a process that takes a lifetime.As survivors ,we need to settle in for a long haul.It is a process that continues for the rest of our lives.Healing is not about quick relief.Its about little steps .Its about learning to take care of ourselves.It encompasses both progress and backsliding.Healing is slow .It is gradual.It does not proceed in a straght line,
If you are at the beginning of the healing process,and your life is filled with painful emotions,memories and crisisis ,the idea of healing over time may be irrevelant.You fell terrible now ,and you want to feel better.You feel desperate and you want answers.You want the pain to go away ,
Unfortunately ,there are no easy answers.Healing takes timeRecovery from the effects of child sexual abuse is painful.disorinting and frequently confusing process.and you need inspiration a f
ramework that explains what the healing journey would be like and the of practical survival skills."
this is from the book 'COURAGE TO HEAL" BY LAURA DAVIS


This is so true with myself. In the beginning,after the KATRINA,I was so depressed,so distraught,numb,lost confused.I didnt know what was wrong.I have never felt like this ever before.Sure,I suffered from depression before,but ,i couldnt shake it this time.I was angry.at God ,why did He let this happen?I started having ...these...moments ,that seemed to last forever.I was reliving those moments during the KATRINA.I was so frightened.I felt so sad
and alone.I didnt leave my room for months.I would just ...go numb just numb.It was the hardest time in my life.I was battling something i had know idea how to win.I was scared and...worried ..I just didnt want to live if life was going to be like this,I wanted to just get better .I wanted those awful flashbacks to stop,I wanted to get out of bed ,,happy ..no pain
no worry,I wanted to get well like yesterday.But soon I realized this battle was too hard to face alone...
I was still angry with GOD and angry for my work. to place me into such a horrible situation.I
,worked during the KATRINA in a hospital...TERROR.....I ..looked death sraight in the face...
and..that in it self was frightening...i would die,in this damn hospital...and no one would find me
My body would be in the water,,,,,OMG...I was so worried..no family ..they had evacuated..
It was just so hard....
And every day,I Relived the horror..I live the pain, the horror of death...But I soon realized I
could not face this battle alone...It would take the help of doctors,social workers ,my family and my friends. I WANTED to end now,,at first I would go to my the social worker three days a week
I coukldnt stand the pain..it was just horrble..cried and cried and cried!!! I just wanted it to END
,,,,,AND now three years have passed..its a little better..I still cry when I see the devastation,I still cry when ..i think about the people that died .I still cry about the patients that died in the hospital because of the horrible conditions.I still have flashbacks they are less frequent I still shake when there is a thunderstorm and the wind is howling.....and I dont listen to the news ,cause there are constantly news dealing with the katrina.
But,now I realize it will take time to heal...and I probably will never totally get over it..'
but I can learn to ..cope with it...IT gets easier with time,,with meds ...with ...sessions with my social worker..with my family supporting me..with my friends ..willing to just listen
And special thanks to 3 guys from canada .... whom have proven....that ..friendship among friends can exist between ..people in 2 countries,They have helped me tremendously...with their wit and their kindness and their .....friendship....and their laughter ....and just being them...
AND....I thank RON .JASON AND RYAN....for being my CANADA .....pals... you guys hold a place deep in my heart ....
and so.....I certaintly hope that this blog....the thoughts I share with you ,will be of some help to all of you....I do you know how it feels ,,,I do know it helps to talk and I do know ..together we can handle this depression..and provide some comfort
and remember THE LOVE YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE

PEACE



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