WELL, ...IT IS BETTER TODAY...NOT AS SAD NOT AS MISERABLE ....I AM OK ...AND IT FEELS SO DAMN GOOD....SEE WITH DEPRESSION YOU HAVE GOOD DAYS AND BAD ONES ...AND YOU ONLY PRAY THAT THERE ARE MORE GOOD DAYS ...BUT ONE THING I DO KNOW....AT TIMES I NEED TO TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.....SOMETIMES ..ONE MINUTE AT A TIME.....DEPRESSION ..TAKES UP A LOTTA OF ENERGY....IT WEARS YOU DOWN.....FOR SO LONG I WAS IN DENIAL ..I WASNT SUFERRING FROM DEPRESSION..NOT ME....AND...GRADUALLY...CLASH ..KATRINA HIT...AND ...I HAD REACHED...THE LOWEST OF LOWS...I BARELY EXISTED....STAYED IN BED ....NEVER LEFT..... STAYING ALONE...FEELING NUMB...I WAS A LOST SOUL..WORK THE ONLY THING I THOUGHT KEPT ME GOING...WAS GONE..WHO WAS I ? WHAT WILL I DO?WHY DID I LIVE?WHY? WHY? WHY?
TOO MANY QUSTIONS,WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? I WALKED AROUND DAZED AND CONFUSED..I QUESTIONED GOD FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN..WHY? I WAS FULL OF ANGER...... I WAS SAD I WAS HURTING...I FELT EMPTY INSIDE...I JUST DIDNT WANT TO LIVE NOT LIKE THIS..
I PRAYED FOR GOD TO TAKE ME....I WAS ...NOT THERE FOR MY HUSBAND
OR MY CHILDREN.... I WAS SO TIRED OF THESE DAMN FLASHBACKS...OMG...YOU JUST RELIVE THE KATRINA OVER AND OVER AGAIN..THEN YOU DONT WANT TO GO TO SLEEP
BECAUSE ....OF THESE DAMN NITE TERRORS..THEY WERE HORRIFIC...I WANTED TO
PUT AN END TO IT.
ONE DAY....IT GOT SO BAD,,,,, I HAD THE BOTTLE OF PILLS......I WAS READY
BUT...I DONT KNOW WHAT IT WAS ....I STOPPED....I CALLED MY HUSBAND WENT TO THE HOSPITAL....AND TOLD THEM I GOTTA BE ADMITTED ....AND I WAS
...THAT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE... IT GOT ME TO REALIZE THAT ....I WAS SEVERLY DEPRESSED AND IN NEED OF HELP..
......WELL,FAST FORWARD THREE YEARS.....YES I STILL SUFFER
FROM DEPRESSION...AND.... IT IS HARD WORK ..LOTSA HARD WORK.....BUT THEY SAY NOTHING IN LIFE IS EASY... I HAVE REALIZED .....THAT ....THE KATREINA SAVED ME....YES ,BECAUSE IF I STAYED ON THE PATH I WAS GOING I WOULD HAVE PROBABLY BE DEAD....SUICIDE... AND .... NOW AS I SAID I LIVE EACH DAY AS IT COMES
I AM NOT HARD ON MYSELF ..I AM NOT AS ANGRY AS I ONCE WAS ,... THE FLASHBACKS ARE LESS FREQUENT. THE NITE TERRORS NOT AS OFTEN...
AND THANX TO MY SOCIAL WORKER AND MY DOC I WOULD NOT BE HERE TODAY.
I THANK MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.... OLD AND NEW FOR BEING THERE
UNDERSTANDING ...AND I MOST IMPORTANT I THANK GOD....FOR WATCHING OVER ME.....
IT IS HERE THAT I WISH TO THANK THREE WONDERFUL GUYS IN CANADA FOR PUTTING LAUGHTER BACK IN MY LIFE... PUTTING A SMILE ON MY FACE
SO TO THEM I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL.
I AM SEARCHING FOR THE TRUE ME THE SELF ....MY TRUE SPIRIT MY TRUE PURPOSE IN THIS WONDERFUL WORLD
....BUT NOW I AM THANKFUL TO BE ALIVE....AND ENJOY EACH DAY TO ITS FULLEST
AND LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST. AND I THANK GOD FOR MY FAMILY FRIENDS FOR WITHOUT THEM....WHO KNOWS WHERE I WOULD BE
REMEMBER THE LOVE YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE
PEACE
SUE