THE DEEP DARK HOLE :DEPRESSION

here ,now,heart is racing,you cant sit ,you cant stand...you pace back and forth...you cry,you sob uncotrollably.you,just feel ,so alone so sad ...you want to call..you wonder should you..you say noo..the, you find yourself ,picking up that phone,typing the emails,going on the chat room...and you you shouldnt.They,someone will get upset.And ,you know this but.its like this battle is raging between you and that demon depression. And the demon always wins,and the sufferer always looses out.you cry,you get filled with anger,inpatience.delusions .paraniod...its all there..
and...you..at some point dont know whats going on ..all these fears all these feelings,emotions ...are there raw,,,, they eat away at you. They take control ..of you ,your body your mind.The demon,this depression now takes possesion of your heart soul and spirit.You just give in...why fight it ?
And ,all these phone calls ,all these emails,chat...you ask yourself,what did i do,your frightened ,your scared ,your embarassed ,you question ...did I say something rude ,or did i just make a fool of myself? .as I poured out my soul,my life my problems?And .you play back in your mind every word you said,you read and reread every sentance you wrote,hoping,that that But person will be the one that finally gets me.But,your hopes once shattered again...
the y dont get me , ...and ,,in ..a sad way..I do understand .But,that doesnt take away the pain,the hurt,the deep dark cloud that hoovers over your head.
You,get more and more anxious.you want somethind done yesterday.You,just want people to ,put their arms around you ...and hug so tight until the pain goes away.You want them to be there just be there .to hold your hand,wipe the tears that ,now are rolling off of your face like a river stream.You want them to take away the pain,although.you know thats imposssible.but is it wrong to dreamYou want them to just say ,it will be alright,and know its true.
Depression robs you of your life .your spirit your soul..And,you want to feel better.You dont want people to think hey why are you crying,i wont deal with that,or people who think we can get over it ,If it was that easy do you think we would do it,just get over it.
When I get anxious,I just ,,yes I admit ,,a bit extreme...but thats not me ,its the depression
talking. I have been accused of being disrespctful rude,by calli ng ,interupting their personal private lives...that statemnet ,is fair..but,,none done intentionally none done with vengance or hate or disrespect for others ...but,,its that evil demon depression,,It rears its ugly face out..
You see for me this ,,,,anxiety overcomes me...I JUST GOTTA DO IT .. but mt social worker says that is ..depression atits worst.
I live with it every single day of my life. Sometimes I live each minute one day at a time.
Friends are few,no one wants to be bothered,no one wants its burdens,but I ask the question
what if a loved one gets a stroke or cancer or another debilitating illness,would you consider that a burden?Friends .true friends should be there for the long haul,not leave when the going gets bad!True friends are there for you good and bad times.You share your ideas ,dreams etc,And yes friends can exist when miles seperates them.All you need to be is there for each other.And with modern technology,you can even see each other
Depression,is indeed a disease,its ,painful,its devastating and so much misunderstood. We dont just get over,we just cant wish away our fears ,sadness, pain.We dont do things on purpose ,we just cant be talked with such ..inconsiderations...we are ill we are human. We cant control,these flashbacks ,these nite terrors,the crippling fear that prevents us from living ,
All we ask is to treat us with understanding and compassion .Never say ,,just get over it,or its been 3 yrs since the hurriccane,arent you over it,etc etc,
And with that i sign off
THE LOVE YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE